I mentioned some time back I needed to lose a stone. Do you remember? A stone is 14 pounds where I come from; Erin, Mickland, United States of Spuds. So, I need to lose at least 14 pounds in order to get back to my fighting weight. God, but it’s tough being on a diet. There, I’ve said it, the “d-word”. If ever there was a universally reviled four lettered word, surely it’s the word “diet”. I just now noticed it’s an anagram of “tide”. And just like the tide, my weight seems to ebb and flow.
I always overindulge in the summer and the autumn sees me paying the price. I was in Europe for June and July – I know, poor me – and naturally, when I wasn’t quaffing pints of Guinness and guzzling glasses of cheap Spanish wine, I was stuffing my fat gob with French cheeses and pate. And now I’m paying for it. I’m fighting the flab; it’s the Battle of The Bulge; it’s the war on waist.
I get up most mornings and hit the streets around to do some running. Only, it’s not really running. More like jogging really. Ok, so it’s not exactly jogging either. Guess you could accurately describe it as, lurching maybe, with lots of wheezing, puffing and panting thrown in for good measure. So, I’m out there lurching most mornings.
Incidentally, I live in north Bossier, near Stockwell school, so if you see me out lurching in the mornings, you’re more than welcome to come lurch with me. I’m the one with the luminous vest on, and I always have the headlamp on too for good measure. I’m not taking any chances that some dozy motorist is not going to see me. I’m more lit up than a White House Christmas tree, so you can’t miss me.
But yeah, if you see me, please feel free to tag along. I have actually run four marathons, so I’m not a complete slouch. In fact, I did manage to qualify for the Boston marathon a few years ago; did a 3:30 marathon baby! Of course you wouldn’t think that to look at me lurching now, but at least I’m out there, pounding the pavements. And seriously, they do say, and I do know from experience, that running with someone does make it a heck of a lot easier. There’s something about the conviviality of chatting that tends to take your mind off the pain and suffering of lurching. What’s more, if you have a regular lurching partner or set of lurching buddies, you now have something of a commitment, so you feel obliged to get off your lardy-behind and get out there because other people are depending on you.
Maybe we could start a North Bossier Lurchers Group? If you are interested, you can contact me through my business website listed below. Together, we can lick that lard.
Brian O’ Nuanain runs “Across The Pond And Beyond”, a company that organizes international vacations. You can reach him at acrossthepondandbeyond.com