They say that when a marriage runs aground, the rocks are often in the bed. Well now, I don’t want to say that my marriage is on the rocks, but there are issues in the bedroom that I would like to air with you. Issues such as: the equitable distribution of space, bedwetting and, well……licking.
I’m speaking here of course of the issues that arise when a puppy is invited to share one’s bed. The adorable puppy that was bought for my daughter’s birthday has now charmed and wormed his way into my marital bed. He cries like a baby if we put him to sleep in his own bed and of course, being the sentimental, menopausal fools that we are, we’ve agreed to let him spend “just a couple of nights” in our bed. His name is Rusty. Rusty’s a Shitzu. He’s a pure bred Shitzu. Yep, he’s a proper little shitzu, and he has us wrapped around his little paws.
Truth is, if he weren’t so bloody cute, I think he’d well and truly dead by now. He has peed in my bed; he takes up an inordinate amount of space for such a small dog, and he drives us crazy when every night, before he goes off to sleep, he insist on giving himself a “tongue bath”. Lick, lick, lick, lick, lick……arrrrrghhhhh. Enough with the licking! And do you really have to lick yourself THERE?!
Eventually, I did train him to go to sleep in his wee cage, but even that still presents problems. He will lie down in his bed without crying and he doesn’t complain audibly; he does it visually. If you’ve ever owned a dog, your know what I’m talking about here. Dogs will often do what they are told to do, even if it’s not really what they actually want to do. And when they dutifully attend to your command, they sometimes look at you, with those eyes. You know what I’m talking about here don’t you? They look at you with those great big pools of chocolate-colored eyes, imploring you, beseechingly. And the eyes say to you, they say to you “I love you so, so much, I will do this thing you want me to do. I will do this thing I do not want to do, because you, you are the one in charge and me, my job is to do your bidding – which I do, willingly and obediently, because I love you so much”. So, what do you do? You cave! You say “Aww, you are so cute, so good my boy. C’mon, let’s just go and see if Momma will let you sleep with us tonight eh? Just for tonight mind you”.
Make no mistake about it here people, puppies are the most manipulative creatures on the planet. In fact, they are so manipulative, and at the same time so adorable cute, I can’t understand why a puppy has not yet been nominated for president of the United States.
My name is Brian O’Nuanain. I recently moved to Bossier from Ireland. My dog has me well trained.
Brian O’ Nuanain runs “Across The Pond And Beyond”, a company that organizes international vacations. You can reach him at acrossthepondandbeyond.com
